Dad Solo

star-wars-han-solo-harrison-ford.jpg

Doris spent a rare evening at home alone without husband or family. She took some time to organize her pantry, penned a letter to her sister overseas, drank some wine and watched a film on netflix. As she was drifting off to a peaceful rest on the couch, her eldest daughter Samantha burst through the front door, slammed it behind her and threw herself into her mother’s lap wailing.

“Oh Mother, you won’t believe how awful it was.”
“What was awful Samantha? Your date with that handsome young Jason?”
“He’s not handsome at all mother, he’s loathsome, positively loathsome, I hate him!”
“Oh heavens I’m sure it wasn’t that bad Samantha, have a seat and tell me all about it”

Samantha regained her composure and told her tale:

“Well, we were in his car and…He kissed me mother, my very first kiss.  It was everything I’d hoped for mother, I thought I fell in love the very moment his lips touched mine, and then…..then mother, he stuck his hand up my skirt and put a finger in my ass! Oh, dear god mother it was 2 knuckles in, possibly 3!…i didn’t know what to do, or say and before i knew it.. his big ol’ dick had made its way into my asshole. He fucked it deep and uncorked a piping hot load that gushed out like hot clam chowder onto my legs and pussy. Oh dear god mother, there must’ve been at least 2 gallons, I just want to die. I never want to see Jason again and my ass-hole is ruined.”

Mother chuckled and told a tale of her own:

“You know Samantha, your father and I saved ourselves for marriage.  Hell, everyone did in those days. Imagine my surprise when on our wedding night he told me a woman’s worth should be determined by the width of her gaping asshole. He brought a speculum to our wedding bed and pried my ass open as wide as he could because he said he wanted to, “see what was going on up in there.” and that he couldn’t wait to, “Dump a hot one down my Sarlacc pit.”

“Oh mother that’s horrible! What in God’s name is a Sarlacc pit?”
“Oh it’s just a Star Wars thing that looks like a giant gaped asshole. Here I’ll google it on my phone, here it is, see? That’s a Sarlacc pit.”

“I guess that does look like an asshole, Hmmm. Mom? What’s Star Wars?”
You’ve never seen the movie, Star Wars?
“No, any good?”
“Yeah…it’s the best.”

Thoughts on Diversified Teamwork

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I’ve assembled…

A mixed bag
A seven man cream team
We’ll come into your party
Drop the biggest loads you’ve ever seen

We’ll cover; your face, tits, and asshole too
And if you’re lookin’ to breed
We’ll stuff your pussy-hole with goo

We got black dicks, brown dicks, mexican, and asian
And if you feeling greedy I can throw in a caucasian

Put your face down, holes up
Spread your ass too…

My racially diverse crew
Is bout to cum in you

Suzy’s Home Crisper

fresh-cucumber-carrot-juice
Suzy woke up…
Thirsty for cock
Shed some tears in a cup…
And fired up a rock

Cuz her man left her
And she
Was missing him…
She raided
The crisper
Got some produce for her quim…

She,
Stuffed it to the brim…
With fresh
Cukes and carrots
She forgot about him…
To focus on the merits

Of a healthy diet…
Some exercise…
And every man’s bias
For anal creampies

Rosebud

bible
Daryl Jenkins was a pious man.
When he married Melissa, her hymen was still intact, because she’d always insisted on anal. Their love was true and pure.

On their wedding night, Melissa was not pleased. Daryl did none of the things she longed for. No finger poppin’, no anal creampies, and no monster facials; no slapping, calling her degrading names, or treating her like a piece of trash.
Nuthin’.

Just making sweet tender love, missionary style.
Daryl moaned, “oh…yes..be fruitful and multiply”,  while filling her pussy with a very weak load. It was everything he’d hoped it would be. Melissa cried herself to sleep, knowing that her husband couldn’t fuck for shit.

The next day Melissa posted a craigslist ad looking for BBC’s.
Her inbox was stuffed with potentials. Her asshole was stuffed with big brown dicks, so many brown dicks,  that her asshole prolapsed into a rosebud. Disgusting.
I mean, ish.

One day Daryl came home from work to find Melissa on her knees surrounded by all of her new colored friends, her face plastered with gallons of mostly fresh semen, her asshole hanging down to the floor like an old sock.
Daryl almost lost his faith that day.
Almost.

Daryl eventually forgave Melissa.
Melissa eventually gave Daryl AIDS, after she was creampied by a guy who’d done some very gay stuff in college.