Samurai Code: No Homo

06

The Ronin Taco Sanchez eased through the door of a bustling Kyoto sake-house. The joint was brimful of drunken warriors and salacious whores. Taco took long and manly strides toward a grizzled samurai standing at the bar and with a respectful bow he spoke thus: “Chingbo Quan, master of the sacred style of 7 swords, I challenge thee to a duel.”

Chingbo casually sipped his drink, set it down and replied, “Well peasant if you’re ready to die I shall oblige you, challenge accepted.”

Taco stepped back and grinned, the anticipation got his cock so hard and swole that it grew beyond his kimono and thumped the tavern floor.

Chingbo gazed upon the foreboding phallus and launched his attack, not because he saw an opening or a weakness, it was out of fear…fear of that remarkable cock.

“Diiiiiiieee!!” Chingbo screamed drawing his sword, charging.

Taco ran head-on and used his dick to pole vault over the attack, he unsheathed his weapon mid-air and severed Chingbo’s arm. Taco stuck the landing and finished Chingbo’s sake. Chingbo turned to swing with a sword no longer there. His nub wiggled as he shrieked in horror and dropped to his knees, head hung awaiting his miserable fate.

Taco felt deep regret for having challenged such an unworthy opponent and also for knowing what he was required to do next according to samurai law.

He kicked the bleeding man hard in the chest toppling him to the ground, lifted his kimono and stuffed his sick-huge wang all the way to the hilt in the man’s soon to be gay asshole.

“Nooooo! kill me pleeeeease!!!” Chingbo wailed.

Taco’s cock came like a fucking howitzer into the dying samurai’s body, 16 gallons overflowed out of his now gay ass onto Taco’s non gay dick like a damn fire hose.

“Nooooo! I don’t want to die like this! I swear I’m not gay mommy!!!”

In one swift motion Taco withdrew his cock and shoved his sword through Chingbo’s now gay heart.

After the man’s gay carcass was removed and thrown into the nearby woods, Taco had an orgy with every whore in town to cleanse the vestiges of gayness from his penis and conscience.

The whores all agreed that Taco was very straight and manly and that his enemies were, “the gayest”

He fucked and killed every so called master in the world and died knowing there was never a man straighter than he.

Rygar Jones Saves Humanity

caveman_by_jamajurabaev-d5hq6gi

In the year 25,000 B.C.

Humanity was on the brink of collapse due to ineffective breeding strategies.

Fact is, cave women had poor hygiene and bearded faces. Ish. So to breed, the men would jerk off in their hands and finger the cum into girls pussies as they slept, to avoid spending time with them. This resulted in a stiff decline in population.

That and the plague. It was ravaging the entire planet. Sparing few.

But there was one man…named Rygar Jones who was about to change the world forever.

Rygar Jones assembled a seven man team. They stockpiled supplies and quarantined themselves in a cave to escape the wrath of the deadly plague.

It was there Rygar proved to be a visionary. The first of his kind. He led seminars, sharing his philosophies on the necessity of breeding. He taught the men meditative techniques to visualize a woman without a beard, to allow them to fuck those that had beards.

After 18 months the plague was gone and Rygar Jones led his men in the charge, stoked to cream pussies.

Rygar saw the first bearded woman and his men knew that he had dibs because he called it back in the cave. They watched and cheered Rygar on as he gave the world’s first cream-pie while in the first ever pile driver position, which he also invented.

He shot over a gallon of jizz inside her and another two gallons sprayed out onto her face from her pussy because it was so full with Rygar’s large cock and cream-pie. As he blasted her with 18 months worth of hot semen, he screamed, “Be Fruitful and Cream-piiiiie!!!!”

Rygar’s seven man cream team did just that. They bare-backed and cream-pied the entire world.

Saving humanity.