Samurai Code: No Homo

06

The Ronin Taco Sanchez eased through the door of a bustling Kyoto sake-house. The joint was brimful of drunken warriors and salacious whores. Taco took long and manly strides toward a grizzled samurai standing at the bar and with a respectful bow he spoke thus: “Chingbo Quan, master of the sacred style of 7 swords, I challenge thee to a duel.”

Chingbo casually sipped his drink, set it down and replied, “Well peasant if you’re ready to die I shall oblige you, challenge accepted.”

Taco stepped back and grinned, the anticipation got his cock so hard and swole that it grew beyond his kimono and thumped the tavern floor.

Chingbo gazed upon the foreboding phallus and launched his attack, not because he saw an opening or a weakness, it was out of fear…fear of that remarkable cock.

“Diiiiiiieee!!” Chingbo screamed drawing his sword, charging.

Taco ran head-on and used his dick to pole vault over the attack, he unsheathed his weapon mid-air and severed Chingbo’s arm. Taco stuck the landing and finished Chingbo’s sake. Chingbo turned to swing with a sword no longer there. His nub wiggled as he shrieked in horror and dropped to his knees, head hung awaiting his miserable fate.

Taco felt deep regret for having challenged such an unworthy opponent and also for knowing what he was required to do next according to samurai law.

He kicked the bleeding man hard in the chest toppling him to the ground, lifted his kimono and stuffed his sick-huge wang all the way to the hilt in the man’s soon to be gay asshole.

“Nooooo! kill me pleeeeease!!!” Chingbo wailed.

Taco’s cock came like a fucking howitzer into the dying samurai’s body, 16 gallons overflowed out of his now gay ass onto Taco’s non gay dick like a damn fire hose.

“Nooooo! I don’t want to die like this! I swear I’m not gay mommy!!!”

In one swift motion Taco withdrew his cock and shoved his sword through Chingbo’s now gay heart.

After the man’s gay carcass was removed and thrown into the nearby woods, Taco had an orgy with every whore in town to cleanse the vestiges of gayness from his penis and conscience.

The whores all agreed that Taco was very straight and manly and that his enemies were, “the gayest”

He fucked and killed every so called master in the world and died knowing there was never a man straighter than he.

A Perfect Day

Truck_driver_at_TVA's_Douglas_Dam,_Tennessee1a35238v

Chuck prowls the lots for lizard of all sorts. Don’t matter to Chuck; he’d barebacked his way across the nation without qualms of ever comin’ up a failure. Success to Chuck was measured in miles and loads….

Presently, Chuck was at Lindys, a dive stop north of Telusa by way of 95. Chuck parked his rig, hopped out on the pavement and strutted like a man on a mission. That mission was pussy. He’d been to Lindys before, rode a few dames here years back, but the new Chuck was all about fresh faces.
Continue reading

Grease Lessons

helgaHelga the whore is a 400 pounder. she’s built like sloppy joe’s stacked on an African mud hut. She wears old timey brothel clothing.

Tommy is a stick thin, sniveling coward. He’s always sniveling. That’s what he does. but not for long. he’s to become a man today

let’s see how he does.

knock knock…

helga opens the door

“what can i do fer ya, little fella”

“um, miss helga, my dad says if i bring you this, you’ll make me a man” tommy offers her the piece of copper his father gave him.

she accepts the token in her meaty paw.

“oh boy, isn’t that sweet of your father, well, don’t worry, come sit on the bed and relax.. just lay back and let it happen”

tommy walked over and sat at the edge of the bed, but, hesitated a moment too long for Helga. she pushed him back hard on the bed “i said lay down ya little shit, and take your pants off, NOW! “ her tone quite matronly.

“what?, ok. y-yes mam,”. tommy was trembling, trying to work the belt buckle was an ordeal under the stress caused by Helga’s demanding timbre.

tommy moved  too slow for the eager Helga. she snatched up the buckle, yanked hard, snapped it with a  grunt and threw it against the wall.

she grabbed his britches at the waist and yanked ‘em all the way to his ankles in one heaving tug.

tommy’s’ flaccid willy was on display and his face was covered in shame

“oh gawd, what’s happening?”

“shut your mouth and close your eyes”.

he obeyed

Helga disrobed her old timey outfit and let her body release its stench, she reeked of pickles, onions, and the cum of many angry and sad men.. she pounced onto the bed with a crash, straddling tommy’s face with surprising grace for her size. the bed creaked, threatening to collapse. but it maintained because it was well crafted.

anyway

she smothered his face, he panicked and tried to flail but he couldn’t move his puny body. he gasped for air. Helga was loving it, she was born for this work.

“don’t fight it ya shit, helga’s at the helm”

she took his entire limp unit, balls included into her maw, tommy whimpered.

she alternated between sucking hard and humming low. bouncing gently on the bed with her massiveness.

tommy was freaking out pretty bad. half moaning half pleading into helga’s vaginal bucket. “oh god, forgive me…i don’t want this”, the answer he received was the echo of his own voice, coming from deep within helga’s cavernous gape. it was like a canyon.

Helga inserted one of her big ole gorilla fingers into tommy’s anus.

he begged for mercy. “please no, it hurts. i don’t wanna be a man”

she bounced hard, slamming her mass against him to punish him for whining,

she sucked harder and prodded his hole deeper “oooooowww” he whimpered, “OOOOOOhhh somethings happening”

helga, being an old pro, recognized the change in vocal tonality indicating the impending cumshot. she ramped up the intensity, plunged her gorilla finger faster and sucked harder. really going for it.

and when tommy hit that special note, she gave him her “special treatment”, she eased her sausage finger out of his ass and crammed her thumb in, it was like a damn bratwurst. this bitch was fatter than hell. and her thumb was like a bratwurst, i mean, maybe even a summer sausage or a popcan i don’t know, but the technique worked, it instantly turned tommy into a cum geyser, spraying like a cannon, Boom! Boom!, “ahhhh, what’s happening? oh my gawd, ahhhhh” he was screaming his head off, in one swift move Helga jumped up like an obese ninja doing a burpie and plopped her asshole down all the way onto tommy’s’ erupting cock, at the same time,  jammed the bratwurst thumb up his ass to the hilt, turning his prostate to smithereens. “cum in my ass you turd!” she demanded.

her asshole was overflowing with fluids in no time.

“oh god noooo, mommmyyyyyyyy!!!!! “

Tommy fired all of his childhood memories into helga’s humongous hole and he never looked back. Helga’s eyes lit up and she grinned as she fulfilled her life’s purpose.

that was the day that tommy, became thomas.

The End

Continue reading

Rap it up Grandma

muh grandma took a beating
at the hands of the police
she was covered… in bruises
but you know that was the least
of her problems,

yeah, she suffers from gout
never voices her concerns
grams you gotta let it out

she’s got cancer…
you know what i’m saying?…

no,  health insurance
she be doing some praying
and some futuristic healing
on the holistic tip..

 n’ 2 days later
we all said RIP

 RIP grams
one love

Poem 7-Prognosis

dropped a loose turd this morning,
drank too much last night.
the site of blood in my stool
gave me a real fright

my colon’s full of cancer
what else, could it be
my suspicions were confirmed
on the web MD

yup,
cancer…
to-ta-lly…

got no health insurance
i got web M-D

and cancer

Pride & Predjudice: Part 2

8a7f37e5e4fc1266977d614aa8208dd1.jpgwe find the duke jean pierre in the study of his stately abode, our studious duke is seated in a throne-like burgundy leather chair that was made by the finest craftsmen in all the land. the refined dukal gent is scribing an old timey document with a quill when someone unexpected enters

tis The baron lothar von greyskull, the dukes mortal enemy, the decrepit baron comes dressed in leathers, black as night. his aged lung wheeze like a rattle.

the duke grinned and piped “oh my, look who’s risen, from the murky depths of hell, my elderly baron, by my trope  i say, you should have remained in the blaze, there is nothing here for you now. my coffers are empty and my wenches have turned ill, now make haste old baron and be gone, while you’re here searching for a suitable place to die, i’ve state affairs to attend to”

the baron hobbled his ancient frame across the floor, holding the duke’s gaze. he placed his palms upon the desk, and leaned in to rasp

“i have come, to fuck your mind and take your life, you have betrayed me”

The duke casually picked up a wizardly smoking pipe from his desk, struck a match and fired it up. he took a nice long puff and sent the minty pipe smoke billowing into the barons leathered face.

“oh my, that’s quite vexing lothar my old nemesis,  i’m confounded, you see, i’d been assured of your demise by my a-trusted squireboy, davey.”

“HA!  your “boy” davey took of aged mead from the chalice of champions and he’s professing dribble”

the duke enjoyed the longest, slowest puff he’d ever taken in his life, just to show the baron who was in control, he exhaled again, nice and slow, a river of froth oozed from the duke and enveloped the barons wrinkled body.

“oh lothar you wretched fiend, so you’re back again and peddling balderdash about my dearest davey. imagine, davey, quaffing potions with reckless abandon, that sounds a proper wash. that is surely not my davey. no no.”

the baron leaned in closer and held a penetrating glare.

“your boy davey was at the helm of the clipper ship, in my mind.”

“I beg your pardon baron?”

“davey was at the helm. until i fired him into the abyss…the abyss of your mind, duke, the abyss…of your mind.”

“wha-what’s happening? I don’t like this, what brand of devilry is this? there’s a tingle betwixt mine ears, thy brain is…throbbing!.”

the duke dropped the lengthy hand crafted pipe on the desk, and sunk his face deep into his noble hands to shield himself from this new reality

“prepare for your mind-fucking duke”

“oh no, my dukal brain barriers have been penetrated by your treachery, why, you vagabond!”

The baron widened his stance and began to thrust his pelvis back and forth, simulating rhythmic coital pumps. each thrust sent a wave of pain and hysteria through the duke’s regal mind.

the duke cried, “please, i beg you baron, no more. your psionic phallus is destroying meee!!! ”

the baron whispered “the abyss of your mind gives me ultimate pleasure”

“your mind tool is pilfering my kingly crevasse, my genteel baron, please grant me clemency-eeee!”

the baron remained steadfast, ignoring the feeble pleas, he continued thrusting.

the duke slumped to the floor as he shat his pantaloons, farting loudly while sobbing as well.
the baron took the up the old timey smoking pipe, and puffed it very hard on his way out, at the door he turned to the sobbing, shit soaked duke and said “phase one complete, your mind is fucked, i’ll be back”

The End

Continue reading