Los deseos del último caballero

En una bodega de lujo repleta de hombres bien vestidos de la variedad de negocios, hay una celebración en progreso.

“Felicidades Davey, ¡salud!”
(Gafas tintineando)
“¡Aclamaciones!”
“¡Bien hecho Davey!”

“Así que Davey, ¿qué sigue?”
“Sí Davey, ¿qué sigue?”
“¿Qué será lo próximo para Davey? Más bien, ¿qué queda? ¿Tengo razón? Tiene una esposa guapísima, hijos adorables, y acaba de convertirse en socio de la firma … ¿Qué ahora, Davey?”

Davey pensó por un largo rato y respondió:
“Pues, nunca lo pensé realmente, tengo todo lo que … pensé que quería”.
“Oh, cielos, Davey, ¿qué quieres decir con ‘pensó que querías’? Tienes todo lo que un hombre podría desear”.
“Sí, eso es lo que quise decir”.

Después de la fiesta terminó; Davey le pagó a una prostituta para que le caga sobre su pito y lo convirtiera en un pastel de barro. Entonces, con el olor a la mierda todavía fresco en su pene, se colgó en su garaje mientras acariciaba su polla sucia hasta que murió.

Todos los horribles sentimientos que había estado llevando a lo largo de toda su vida finalmente desaparecieron.

Dad Solo

star-wars-han-solo-harrison-ford.jpg

Doris spent a rare evening at home alone without husband or family. She took some time to organize her pantry, penned a letter to her sister overseas, drank some wine and watched a film on netflix. As she was drifting off to a peaceful rest on the couch, her eldest daughter Samantha burst through the front door, slammed it behind her and threw herself into her mother’s lap wailing.

“Oh Mother, you won’t believe how awful it was.”
“What was awful Samantha? Your date with that handsome young Jason?”
“He’s not handsome at all mother, he’s loathsome, positively loathsome, I hate him!”
“Oh heavens I’m sure it wasn’t that bad Samantha, have a seat and tell me all about it”

Samantha regained her composure and told her tale:

“Well, we were in his car and…He kissed me mother, my very first kiss.  It was everything I’d hoped for mother, I thought I fell in love the very moment his lips touched mine, and then…..then mother, he stuck his hand up my skirt and put a finger in my ass! Oh, dear god mother it was 2 knuckles in, possibly 3!…i didn’t know what to do, or say and before i knew it.. his big ol’ dick had made its way into my asshole. He fucked it deep and uncorked a piping hot load that gushed out like hot clam chowder onto my legs and pussy. Oh dear god mother, there must’ve been at least 2 gallons, I just want to die. I never want to see Jason again and my ass-hole is ruined.”

Mother chuckled and told a tale of her own:

“You know Samantha, your father and I saved ourselves for marriage.  Hell, everyone did in those days. Imagine my surprise when on our wedding night he told me a woman’s worth should be determined by the width of her gaping asshole. He brought a speculum to our wedding bed and pried my ass open as wide as he could because he said he wanted to, “see what was going on up in there.” and that he couldn’t wait to, “Dump a hot one down my Sarlacc pit.”

“Oh mother that’s horrible! What in God’s name is a Sarlacc pit?”
“Oh it’s just a Star Wars thing that looks like a giant gaped asshole. Here I’ll google it on my phone, here it is, see? That’s a Sarlacc pit.”

“I guess that does look like an asshole, Hmmm. Mom? What’s Star Wars?”
You’ve never seen the movie, Star Wars?
“No, any good?”
“Yeah…it’s the best.”

Davey’s Deluge Of Dilemmas

noose

At an upscale wine bar stocked with well dressed men of the business variety, there’s a celebration in progress.

“Congrats Davey, Cheers!”
(Glasses Clinking)
“Cheers!”
“Well done Davey!”

“So Davey, what’s next?”
“Yeah Davey, what’s next?”
“What’s next for Davey? More like, what’s left?Am I right? He’s got a smokin hot wife, adorable children, and just made partner at the firm… Where do you go from here Davey?”

Davey thought for a long moment and replied:
“I’ve never really thought about it, I have everything that I…thought I wanted.”
“Oh heavens Davey, what do you mean, ‘thought you wanted’, you have everything a man could ask for.”
“Yeah, that’s what I meant.”

After the party ended; Davey paid a streetwalker to shit on his cock, turn it into a mud-pie. This huge BBW laid a real slimy #2 on his johnson. With the smell of shit still fresh on his dong. He put his head in a noose and jerked his grimy cock off till he died.

All the horrible feelings he’d been carrying around his entire life finally disappeared.

King Harold’s Glorious Reign

King-John-King-of-England-566721

The Mighty King Harold awoke punctually  at 6:00 AM to his 3rd mistress sucking on his morning wood and his 5th mistress tonguing his scrotum and asshole. Just as Harold had arranged with the help of his atrusted manservant Davey the night before. The king’s schedule was very regimented in this manner. He dropped his nut in mistress #3’s mouth at 6:05 on the dot. Both mistresses shared his regal load, cumswapping it back and forth several times before #5 swallowed the lot. They promptly left the king’s chambers

King Harold rang his bedside gong and Davey the Manservant entered, with a mustache on his face and servitude on his mind.

“Yes my king.”
“Come hither Davey, there’s much to be done today.”
“At your service my lord.” Davey stepped forward, producing a notebook and pen from his suit pocket.
“Today I will accomplish something no king before me dared dream.”
“Oh, my your excellency, that sounds splend-”
“Silence!” The king reproached
“I have two words for you.” The king motioned Davey closer.
Davey leaned in.
“Double prolapse.” The king whispered gravely.
“Most impressive my lord, and how may I be of service?”
“Schedule a bath for 6:15, and at 6:25 punctually, send in mistress #216.”
“Will there be anything else, your excellency?”
“Yes, have my kingly scepter brought to the bath at once.”
“Ahh, which one me lord, the one with the diamonds or the one with the rubies?”
“Diamonds of course.”

And now the story progresses as we find our king fully scrubbed in the royal bathtub, stroking his 10 inch royal cock in a very regal manner, like a handmaiden polishing a french parisian banister.

#216 enters on schedule wearing nothing, sees the king’s hog and takes it deep into her mouth without prompting.

After exactly 5 minutes of oral the king gets 216 on her hands and knees, and fills her ass with his dick and fucks it very hard. Then, he stuffs his kingly scepter into her pussy-hole for the full DP experience. She moans as she feels the diamonds affixed to the scepter hitting her g-spot.

Her moans increase in intensity, indicating she’s about to blow. The moment her pussy begins to squirt, the king shoved scepter and cock into their respective holes as deeply as the holes would allow.

Then the King pulled dick and scepter out simultaneously, so fast that it created a vacuum and the King achieved what he’d aspired to his entire life. Harold looked down upon the much coveted double prolapse he’d induced. Her guts were straight falling out of her pussy and half her colon was blossoming from her anus into a beautiful rosebud! He jizzed roughly 2 litres of cum all over her exposed internal components. Then, he casually grabbed the base of her pussy guts and rosebud, one in each hand, and propped his foot on her ass, pulled back hard in a rowing motion and thrusted  her ass with his foot, she fell dead into the tub while he was left holding the bulk her large intestine and all of her pussy parts that fell out.

The king did the double prolapse trick every morning for the next 25 years.

So let’s see, 25 years times 365 days per, equals 9125 mistresses
Times that by 2 to get the total number of prolapses
A whopping 18,250!

To this day, 500 years after his reign, no one has even attempted to beat The Mighty King Harold’s prolapse record.

I hope this tale has inspired you to chase a dream you’ve always wanted to follow.

Rygar Jones Saves Humanity

caveman_by_jamajurabaev-d5hq6gi

In the year 25,000 B.C.

Humanity was on the brink of collapse due to ineffective breeding strategies.

Fact is, cave women had poor hygiene and bearded faces. Ish. So to breed, the men would jerk off in their hands and finger the cum into girls pussies as they slept, to avoid spending time with them. This resulted in a stiff decline in population.

That and the plague. It was ravaging the entire planet. Sparing few.

But there was one man…named Rygar Jones who was about to change the world forever.

Rygar Jones assembled a seven man team. They stockpiled supplies and quarantined themselves in a cave to escape the wrath of the deadly plague.

It was there Rygar proved to be a visionary. The first of his kind. He led seminars, sharing his philosophies on the necessity of breeding. He taught the men meditative techniques to visualize a woman without a beard, to allow them to fuck those that had beards.

After 18 months the plague was gone and Rygar Jones led his men in the charge, stoked to cream pussies.

Rygar saw the first bearded woman and his men knew that he had dibs because he called it back in the cave. They watched and cheered Rygar on as he gave the world’s first cream-pie while in the first ever pile driver position, which he also invented.

He shot over a gallon of jizz inside her and another two gallons sprayed out onto her face from her pussy because it was so full with Rygar’s large cock and cream-pie. As he blasted her with 18 months worth of hot semen, he screamed, “Be Fruitful and Cream-piiiiie!!!!”

Rygar’s seven man cream team did just that. They bare-backed and cream-pied the entire world.

Saving humanity.

Einstein’s Posthumous Breakthru

einsteinjpgjpg-4a389e85f92a0547

Your super string theory…
It perplexes me
I found my ding-a-ling theory
With some ecstasy

I take the volume of loads
That I’ve jizzed in an ass…
Divide by my proclivity
To tolerate sass

And the answer I get
Is always the same…
Proportionate to the number…
Of pussies I’ve tamed

Suzy’s Home Crisper

fresh-cucumber-carrot-juice
Suzy woke up…
Thirsty for cock
Shed some tears in a cup…
And fired up a rock

Cuz her man left her
And she
Was missing him…
She raided
The crisper
Got some produce for her quim…

She,
Stuffed it to the brim…
With fresh
Cukes and carrots
She forgot about him…
To focus on the merits

Of a healthy diet…
Some exercise…
And every man’s bias
For anal creampies

Ageless Desire 2

woman-32551_960_720
Last night grandma jones
lived her lifelong dream
six super dark dicks
jammed her holes with cream

she had a butt-gasm
and her old knees buckled
her ass was a chasm
and her husband
a cuckold

the interracial gang-bang
went real well
that night her heart exploded
she went straight to hell

Ageless Desire

woman-32551_960_720

Ole granny jones
is a persnickety beast..
brittle ass bones
pussy brimming with yeast

she’s got ancient tits
and an antique twat
she’ll pay you two bits
for a hot pot cumshot

her diaper’s full of turds
but she’s got this dream
a pack of wild coloreds
fill her fanny with cream

Deluxe Cream-pies

cre
It’s a campground party
i’m feelin’ spun
shot some meth in my neck vein
to have some fun

hear some fillies in a tent
they be gig-a-lin’
so i unzip the flap
and i dive on in

on these plump white bitches
oh me oh my
took about 3 minutes
gave em both creampies

A Warm Summer’s Eve

ffff
i walk down to the fishbowl
tap on the glass
ladies smiling at me
tryin’ to peddle some ass

the man said, number 3
is eager to please
so i took her upstairs
and she got on her knees

gave her 25 bucks
for a suck and a fuck…
i rolled bare-back
just to test my luck

 

Cum Train

Abigail_Smith_Adams_by_Gilbert_Stuart“Why, you little piece of shit,” Mother howled, “I see the devil’s plucking your strings again!”

She’d walked in on her son, who was lying atop the cot of his quarters, fiddling himself gingerly. His trousers were around his knees. The boy wavered, discarded his cock, and proceeded to whimper. “It’s na-na-nothing, Ma, honest! I’s juss checking to see it works.”

Fluid matter sluiced his face, down the crook of his quivering chin. His innards folded with dread. Mother was raging again.

She roared, “Devil spawn! Repent sinner..!” Leaning in slowly, she whispered into his ear, “…Sinner,” then hit him with closed fist to the ribs. Thud!

“Owwww! Please Ma, don’t hit me again! I repent Lord! I repent! Please!” he wailed in earnest.

She doubled over and snatched his timid pecker with a pistol grip. “That’s it, that’s a good beast. Now it’s time to extract your sins in accordance with the ancient ways.”

“Ma, please, not again! …I repent! …I repented!”

“Silence!” she hissed, tugging briskly. Upon the upstroke, in an aggressive timbre, she scolded, “Repent!” Then on the downstroke, “Scum!” Her pace quickened as she recast over and over again, seething: “Repent! Scum! Repent! You scum!”

As the demon neared, she coupled her mouth to the shaft, ready to siphon the sins. The boy sniveled. “Forgive me Lord! Forgive muh.. muh… meeeEEE!”

His pumping phallus dumped gobs of demon spore into her hungry hole. When the throbbing finally relented, she gulped greedily, lapped at the excess, then, with an open hand, struck him hard at the base of his wilting sin tube. He yelped. Tears flowed.

Then, leaving the room, she denied he was her child and vowed to send him to an orphanage. He puddled under his pillow and extruded the emotions that were ripe in his heart, begging the Lord’s forgiveness.

There was no one listening.

Heavenly Glory

king-304290_960_720   The mighty king harold wore trousers made of velveteen. drank mead from a super fancy type golden goblet encrusted with all the rarest of gems and minerals. and he ruled his kingdom without mercy.

This morn we find our lord in his kingly quarters,  chewing a sprig of parsley to cleanse the remnants of pussy and ass juices from his noble mouth. last nights’ fuck session had been a frenzied mix of pure and offensive pleasures.

18 of his finest whores had eagerly milked at least 8 loads from his sick-huge kingly dong, straight into their pussies and assholes. he even did that move where you start unloading in one girls ass and then pull it out and get the last few squirts into another girls’ pussy hole. super hot stuff. pussy to ass? sooooo dirty right?  i mean, the kind of thing most dudes only dream about. but a very typical night for our king.

knock knock

“my lord there is a sir jimbo slice here to see you.”

jimbo was a vendor of exotic bitches and the finest truckstop whores.

jimbo did not bow to the king, he bowed to no one

he presented his finest and most darkest exotic whore,

the king started to fondle his own genitals in preparation, rubbing and smushing his regal balls and shaft.

“this be daisy, show him dat ass bish.”

daisy was quick to comply with her owners demand.

she nimbly unbuckled the loose weave of her dungarees and displayed her enormously dark anus to the king.

it was a supermassive black hole with all the gravitational pull of the universe. it sounded like a damn tornado.

upon its unveiling the kings cock swelled with maximum desire and began spegettifying quickly toward  the mass. her asshole was inhaling  everything in the room. and  when the tip of the king’s cock hit the eclipse, he jizzed a sick load.

he screamed ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

i’m cummminnngg! i’m fuckin cuminnngggggg!!!

his regal load was the singularity
it spawned the milky way.

The High Road

boy-310729_640Jake Stevens was a two bit hood outta Kansas city. He never knew his father.

Jake’s mother, Darla, was a truck stop whore who gave it up for loose change, long rides, and mentholated cigarettes.

Jake was a bonus from one of Darla’s rig-hauling tricks. She’d mentioned that Jake’s likely father was a pleasant enough fellow who’d treated her as good as a whore deserved.

Daddy drove off in his big rig with a smile on his face and ass on his breath.

Jake was surly as they come.

Dinner with Uncle Johnny

indexjohnny beans was an enforcer for the mob
at thanksgiving dinner last night, he regaled our familia with his tales of old.
he boasted about grabbing a girls tits at the bar this one time.
she was like, “no, i don’t want that.”
and he was like, “i’m johnny beans you slig”
and then she was down for whatever.

he took her straight back to his F shack.
boned her down real heavy with some nice finger popping, cunnilingus, and a deluxe creampie to finish her off

after telling us that amazing tale he started to brag about some various murders and other things, but was giving a lot of unnecessary details so i lost interest and my thoughts wandered back to finger popping.
when i got home i you tubed it and now it’s kind of my new thing
it looks pretty fun

Simple Sins

Ranger-Battle_for_WesnothGregor the lustful woodsman, finished his flagon of honey mead, let out a tremendous belch, threw the flagon across the room and bellowed’.whoooress! service me now, i’ve much copper to fill your purses.’

the largest, whitest gals in the joint, kat and melinda, hopped to.  they’d whored long enough to know gregor slingblade was a fair man when it came to copper and was no slouch when it came to stuffing BBW’s

‘ooo gregor, you’re so steamy with lust, lets go have us a romp in my bed chamber’

‘nah, right here, felate me now.’

gregor pulled out at least eight inches of semi-hard flesh from his boiled leather trousers, he eyed the trollops greedily and tugged his grimey tube with desire. panting and muttering.
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The Fundamentals

serm
My rod is a plunger

scoopin out foreign  jizz

i stuff it deep
drop my seed
it’s more fertile than his

when it comes to group sex
or running a train
the fattest cock
and strongest seed
will continue the strain

Business as Usual

supa-mac-daddy-pimp-costumeJimbo Slice was a gentleman’s gentleman, a real golden arrow. He stood tall, flew straight like the shaft, or the crook of a shuttle cock. He was almost never late.

His black dong measured 5 inches flaccid. Roughly.

Jimbo leaned into the truck stop toilet wall. Thrusting his manhood forward, flaccid cock exposed to toilet air and prying eyes. A challenge to all comers.

Daisy stood before him. Defiant to his prowess. Jimbo was Daisy’s pimp. She, his bitch.  Daisy yearned for power and begged for cocks. She was in the right line of work. Jimbo gave no mercy. Ever.

14 years as a truck stop whore taught this bitch many things. How to act right was not one of them.

“Spect me to suck cocks fo free? I gots bills”

“Bish bend ova.” was jimbo’s curt reply.

Daisy set her petty quibblings aside for the moment, but she made a mental note to ask for more money later.

She undid the large, loose weave buckle of her dungarees and flipped them over her enormously dark anus, exposing it to her owner.

Jimbo was taken aback by the size, it had accrued mass since he’d last fucked it. The spaghettification process started pulling Jimbo’s member into the hole at a frightening clip.  When his balls finally caught up to his tip and shaft, he was already cumming. And screaming his head off.

He fired lava hot wads Into another dimension.

Possibly another universe.

Free Spirit

It’s the trailer park lifestyle
that she lives
got an ad
on craisgslist

looking for spizz

from some random guys
the more the better
big bukkake party
makes her pussy get wetter

they be standing in line
pulling at their sticks
hot loads on her face
is how she gets her kicks

A Perfect Day

Truck_driver_at_TVA's_Douglas_Dam,_Tennessee1a35238v

Chuck prowls the lots for lizard of all sorts. Don’t matter to Chuck; he’d barebacked his way across the nation without qualms of ever comin’ up a failure. Success to Chuck was measured in miles and loads….

Presently, Chuck was at Lindys, a dive stop north of Telusa by way of 95. Chuck parked his rig, hopped out on the pavement and strutted like a man on a mission. That mission was pussy. He’d been to Lindys before, rode a few dames here years back, but the new Chuck was all about fresh faces.
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Darwin’s Quandary

Human_evolution_scheme.svg

Some girls yearn to be absolutely brimming with dicks and semen. When their pussies are ready for breeding, they inform by saying, “Keep letting all these guys fill me and cumming deep!”

From an evolutionary standpoint, we should embrace the gang-bang. Girls like this, who lust for gang bangs, are more evolved.

After all, the desire to breed is the foundation of longing for many cocks. Many cocks in extended sessions.

Grease Lessons

helgaHelga the whore is a 400 pounder. she’s built like sloppy joe’s stacked on an African mud hut. She wears old timey brothel clothing.

Tommy is a stick thin, sniveling coward. He’s always sniveling. That’s what he does. but not for long. he’s to become a man today

let’s see how he does.

knock knock…

helga opens the door

“what can i do fer ya, little fella”

“um, miss helga, my dad says if i bring you this, you’ll make me a man” tommy offers her the piece of copper his father gave him.

she accepts the token in her meaty paw.

“oh boy, isn’t that sweet of your father, well, don’t worry, come sit on the bed and relax.. just lay back and let it happen”

tommy walked over and sat at the edge of the bed, but, hesitated a moment too long for Helga. she pushed him back hard on the bed “i said lay down ya little shit, and take your pants off, NOW! “ her tone quite matronly.

“what?, ok. y-yes mam,”. tommy was trembling, trying to work the belt buckle was an ordeal under the stress caused by Helga’s demanding timbre.

tommy moved  too slow for the eager Helga. she snatched up the buckle, yanked hard, snapped it with a  grunt and threw it against the wall.

she grabbed his britches at the waist and yanked ‘em all the way to his ankles in one heaving tug.

tommy’s’ flaccid willy was on display and his face was covered in shame

“oh gawd, what’s happening?”

“shut your mouth and close your eyes”.

he obeyed

Helga disrobed her old timey outfit and let her body release its stench, she reeked of pickles, onions, and the cum of many angry and sad men.. she pounced onto the bed with a crash, straddling tommy’s face with surprising grace for her size. the bed creaked, threatening to collapse. but it maintained because it was well crafted.

anyway

she smothered his face, he panicked and tried to flail but he couldn’t move his puny body. he gasped for air. Helga was loving it, she was born for this work.

“don’t fight it ya shit, helga’s at the helm”

she took his entire limp unit, balls included into her maw, tommy whimpered.

she alternated between sucking hard and humming low. bouncing gently on the bed with her massiveness.

tommy was freaking out pretty bad. half moaning half pleading into helga’s vaginal bucket. “oh god, forgive me…i don’t want this”, the answer he received was the echo of his own voice, coming from deep within helga’s cavernous gape. it was like a canyon.

Helga inserted one of her big ole gorilla fingers into tommy’s anus.

he begged for mercy. “please no, it hurts. i don’t wanna be a man”

she bounced hard, slamming her mass against him to punish him for whining,

she sucked harder and prodded his hole deeper “oooooowww” he whimpered, “OOOOOOhhh somethings happening”

helga, being an old pro, recognized the change in vocal tonality indicating the impending cumshot. she ramped up the intensity, plunged her gorilla finger faster and sucked harder. really going for it.

and when tommy hit that special note, she gave him her “special treatment”, she eased her sausage finger out of his ass and crammed her thumb in, it was like a damn bratwurst. this bitch was fatter than hell. and her thumb was like a bratwurst, i mean, maybe even a summer sausage or a popcan i don’t know, but the technique worked, it instantly turned tommy into a cum geyser, spraying like a cannon, Boom! Boom!, “ahhhh, what’s happening? oh my gawd, ahhhhh” he was screaming his head off, in one swift move Helga jumped up like an obese ninja doing a burpie and plopped her asshole down all the way onto tommy’s’ erupting cock, at the same time,  jammed the bratwurst thumb up his ass to the hilt, turning his prostate to smithereens. “cum in my ass you turd!” she demanded.

her asshole was overflowing with fluids in no time.

“oh god noooo, mommmyyyyyyyy!!!!! “

Tommy fired all of his childhood memories into helga’s humongous hole and he never looked back. Helga’s eyes lit up and she grinned as she fulfilled her life’s purpose.

that was the day that tommy, became thomas.

The End

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Rap it up Grandma

muh grandma took a beating
at the hands of the police
she was covered… in bruises
but you know that was the least
of her problems,

yeah, she suffers from gout
never voices her concerns
grams you gotta let it out

she’s got cancer…
you know what i’m saying?…

no,  health insurance
she be doing some praying
and some futuristic healing
on the holistic tip..

 n’ 2 days later
we all said RIP

 RIP grams
one love

Poem 7-Prognosis

dropped a loose turd this morning,
drank too much last night.
the site of blood in my stool
gave me a real fright

my colon’s full of cancer
what else, could it be
my suspicions were confirmed
on the web MD

yup,
cancer…
to-ta-lly…

got no health insurance
i got web M-D

and cancer

Pride & Predjudice: Part 2

8a7f37e5e4fc1266977d614aa8208dd1.jpgwe find the duke jean pierre in the study of his stately abode, our studious duke is seated in a throne-like burgundy leather chair that was made by the finest craftsmen in all the land. the refined dukal gent is scribing an old timey document with a quill when someone unexpected enters

tis The baron lothar von greyskull, the dukes mortal enemy, the decrepit baron comes dressed in leathers, black as night. his aged lung wheeze like a rattle.

the duke grinned and piped “oh my, look who’s risen, from the murky depths of hell, my elderly baron, by my trope  i say, you should have remained in the blaze, there is nothing here for you now. my coffers are empty and my wenches have turned ill, now make haste old baron and be gone, while you’re here searching for a suitable place to die, i’ve state affairs to attend to”

the baron hobbled his ancient frame across the floor, holding the duke’s gaze. he placed his palms upon the desk, and leaned in to rasp

“i have come, to fuck your mind and take your life, you have betrayed me”

The duke casually picked up a wizardly smoking pipe from his desk, struck a match and fired it up. he took a nice long puff and sent the minty pipe smoke billowing into the barons leathered face.

“oh my, that’s quite vexing lothar my old nemesis,  i’m confounded, you see, i’d been assured of your demise by my a-trusted squireboy, davey.”

“HA!  your “boy” davey took of aged mead from the chalice of champions and he’s professing dribble”

the duke enjoyed the longest, slowest puff he’d ever taken in his life, just to show the baron who was in control, he exhaled again, nice and slow, a river of froth oozed from the duke and enveloped the barons wrinkled body.

“oh lothar you wretched fiend, so you’re back again and peddling balderdash about my dearest davey. imagine, davey, quaffing potions with reckless abandon, that sounds a proper wash. that is surely not my davey. no no.”

the baron leaned in closer and held a penetrating glare.

“your boy davey was at the helm of the clipper ship, in my mind.”

“I beg your pardon baron?”

“davey was at the helm. until i fired him into the abyss…the abyss of your mind, duke, the abyss…of your mind.”

“wha-what’s happening? I don’t like this, what brand of devilry is this? there’s a tingle betwixt mine ears, thy brain is…throbbing!.”

the duke dropped the lengthy hand crafted pipe on the desk, and sunk his face deep into his noble hands to shield himself from this new reality

“prepare for your mind-fucking duke”

“oh no, my dukal brain barriers have been penetrated by your treachery, why, you vagabond!”

The baron widened his stance and began to thrust his pelvis back and forth, simulating rhythmic coital pumps. each thrust sent a wave of pain and hysteria through the duke’s regal mind.

the duke cried, “please, i beg you baron, no more. your psionic phallus is destroying meee!!! ”

the baron whispered “the abyss of your mind gives me ultimate pleasure”

“your mind tool is pilfering my kingly crevasse, my genteel baron, please grant me clemency-eeee!”

the baron remained steadfast, ignoring the feeble pleas, he continued thrusting.

the duke slumped to the floor as he shat his pantaloons, farting loudly while sobbing as well.
the baron took the up the old timey smoking pipe, and puffed it very hard on his way out, at the door he turned to the sobbing, shit soaked duke and said “phase one complete, your mind is fucked, i’ll be back”

The End

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Pride and Prejudice: Part 1

blackbeard-pirate-woodcut.pngCaptain Rogers growled through the saber blade in his bearded mouth, “Your d’s be filthy matey!”  he placed the saber there to free his hands for swinging on a rope over to The Duke jean pierre’s vessel…

the d’s he was referring to were the duke’s dogs, phil and jason. The Captain called dogs d’s to amuse himself. now the d’s were filthy, no doubt. but the duke wasn’t listening.

“You fiend! take thyself off this boat at once or i shall release the d’s at you, and i must admit, you are very astute, they’re quite filthy, intentionally so, they get nastier that way.”

“arrg, ya be crazy if you think i’m leaving without fillin’ me coffers.”

“d’s. attack!”

“argggg”

cappy scathed the d’s snouts as they lunged, it was a quick melee.

phil and jason scurried away, no doubt to lick their wounds and sniff themselves into oblivion.

“oh my dear captain that was very fiendish even for the likes of you”

“show me your coffers dukey!”

“you shant gain access to the duke’s coffers, you have besmirched my good name with your defeat of the royal d’s. the time has come sir, for us to duel.”

The duke jean pierre was from the finest french schools, ate rare meats and cheeses and was fairly versed in the art of sabre combat. So he felt confident he could best this ruffian.

“your challenge be accepted, you filth-y duke,” emphasis was placed on the filth, the captain besmirched the duke again, with a mere syllable.

the duke lost his shit and flailed his sabre wildly, rushing the captain.

“respect my title you lesser beast of men, “

“arrrrrrrg.”

the captain had trained in sabery on the high seas for a lifetime and easily parried all of the dukes wild swinging attacks.

ching chang

“why my dearest captain, you bottomless dreg of uncertain breeding, i demand you halt your efforts and yield unto the duke’s prowess”

cappy yawned at the absurdity of the duke’s request

ching ching.

the enraged duke was panting from the exertion

“suspend your efforts to defeat me captain, i perceive your demise within the duke’s grasp”

“arrrrrg, give up and admit your doubloons belong with me…let me fill me coffers and be on me way.”

ching ching,

“i say dear captain, you’ve a flair for the dramatics, i’ll do no such thing”

“ya be marchin to yer grave, then, dookey!”

cappy was checking his iphone with one hand, and using the other to block the duke’s weak ass efforts.

“”

“but-but I am  the duke of these parts, there’s nary a chance a mere pirate could defeat me” duke was on the verge of tears.

cappy did some sick sabre play with some parrying and other stuff that put him in a most favorable position with his blade at the duke’s neck

“Arrrrrg, admit i’m the better man and fill me coffers.”

“o-okay, i admit, you’ve bested me good captain, you’re quite valiant, i shall oblige and fill your coffers deeply with the mightiest of treasures.”

dukey filled captains coffers with all the sickest gems and doubloons, as promised.

“there be just one more thing dookey.”

“w-w-what’s that?”

cappy unzipped his pirate pants and cast his cock out, it thudded on the vessel’s deck and unfurled like a firehose across the ship. “suck on this here pirate hog.“
the duke jean pierre learned about respect and fellatio that day. two very tough, but important lessons.

The End

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