Dad Solo

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Doris spent a rare evening at home alone without husband or family. She took some time to organize her pantry, penned a letter to her sister overseas, drank some wine and watched a film on netflix. As she was drifting off to a peaceful rest on the couch, her eldest daughter Samantha burst through the front door, slammed it behind her and threw herself into her mother’s lap wailing.

“Oh Mother, you won’t believe how awful it was.”
“What was awful Samantha? Your date with that handsome young Jason?”
“He’s not handsome at all mother, he’s loathsome, positively loathsome, I hate him!”
“Oh heavens I’m sure it wasn’t that bad Samantha, have a seat and tell me all about it”

Samantha regained her composure and told her tale:

“Well, we were in his car and…He kissed me mother, my very first kiss.  It was everything I’d hoped for mother, I thought I fell in love the very moment his lips touched mine, and then…..then mother, he stuck his hand up my skirt and put a finger in my ass! Oh, dear god mother it was 2 knuckles in, possibly 3!…i didn’t know what to do, or say and before i knew it.. his big ol’ dick had made its way into my asshole. He fucked it deep and uncorked a piping hot load that gushed out like hot clam chowder onto my legs and pussy. Oh dear god mother, there must’ve been at least 2 gallons, I just want to die. I never want to see Jason again and my ass-hole is ruined.”

Mother chuckled and told a tale of her own:

“You know Samantha, your father and I saved ourselves for marriage.  Hell, everyone did in those days. Imagine my surprise when on our wedding night he told me a woman’s worth should be determined by the width of her gaping asshole. He brought a speculum to our wedding bed and pried my ass open as wide as he could because he said he wanted to, “see what was going on up in there.” and that he couldn’t wait to, “Dump a hot one down my Sarlacc pit.”

“Oh mother that’s horrible! What in God’s name is a Sarlacc pit?”
“Oh it’s just a Star Wars thing that looks like a giant gaped asshole. Here I’ll google it on my phone, here it is, see? That’s a Sarlacc pit.”

“I guess that does look like an asshole, Hmmm. Mom? What’s Star Wars?”
You’ve never seen the movie, Star Wars?
“No, any good?”
“Yeah…it’s the best.”

Peter’s Pitiful Plight

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Peter Jenkins told his boss to piss off after watching a Youtube video about the concept of YOLO. He’d lived life like a gutless turd long enough. His smile brimmed ear to ear as he drove home a new man, things were going to be different, so different. He stopped and got a bottle of wine and some tacos on the way to surprise his wife Megan.

Alas, when he opened his front door he was stunned to see Megan in the foyer squatting naked over his best friend Jon. Jon was lying there jerking his dick while Megan was shitting on it. Logs of various sizes were cascading out of her ass-hole onto his meaty pole.

Peter had longed to eat shit his entire life and went full YOLO for the 2nd time that day, diving head first under the shit stream, some poop hit the back of his head but he turned quick enough to catch the last of the savory turds with his mouth.

Seeing Peter’s face become a human toilet was too much for Jon to take, it made him cum so hard he had a stroke and died while his dick was jizzing.

Peter YOLO’d Jon’s cumming hog into his mouth, the hot stream of semen blasted the floodgates to his internal gayness wide open, never to be closed again.

Life after that fateful evening and the divorce that ensued was a long and hard road for poor Megan.

It took years of therapy for her to work up the courage to shit on another fag.